"What are the insecurities or walls that are holding you back from pursuing your desire to write?"
I didn't want to come straight out and say that it was pure laziness keeping me from writing, but I just found a chocolate stain on my bed sheet, so now you know. And now I can get on with this laziness issue.
I have found myself thinking about being intentional with creativity. There's this idea in my mind, a recognition of truth, that says that if I spend as much time creating as I do with school, my internship, or my job, then everything will fall into place beautifully. It will be better than I can even imagine. Creativity alone awakens my soul in a way that nothing else has, but what if I can feed not only my soul, but my own physical body with creativity? What if I can make it?
And then the pressure to do everything. And then I am behind in school, in my internship, in my job. And then I watch Parks and Rec on Hulu and it is hilarious and then I sleep. (There's a Diet Coke somewhere in there).
Maybe it isn't pure laziness. Maybe the idea itself-- that I can really do this-- is what is holding me back.
Oh yes, the laziness. I am the same way. It is like what Courtney Kendrick said at the conference: we don't take ourselves seriously, so we do everything else in life that might possibly need to get done before we are willing to take time to write. But if writing is important to us, then we should make time for it. That is something I am so bad about.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right... I think mine is mostly laziness, covering a tiny seed of doubt and insecurity. The "what if" that I might actually spend hours and days of my extremely precious personal time to create something, and that something will ultimately be rejected. That fear always lurks below the surface. But yes, above all, it's my laziness. Because if I did enough of those hours-and-days-long creations, one of them wouldn't be rejected. But I never make it that far, because I'm too busy being lazy.
ReplyDeleteI had never considered laziness as being a reason to why I don't write. But now that you've pointed it out. Yep, it definitely is. You are not alone in any of that, the overwhelming feeling, and the greater fear that we just might have something to give.
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